I was bullied in the workplace. It started with little flags that I ignored.
I’m telling my story cause it might help someone how is in a similar pattern or have experienced a similar situation.
Just like anything else, if you ignore little problems, they become bigger.
Red flags
Working as a team with other individual is the key to success when dealing with large projects. Construction business is no different. There is a very large group of different discipline when it come to putting a new building together BEFORE even start to build.
There’s the client (the owner), The Civil engineer, Architect engineer, Mechanical engineer, Structural engineer, Plumbing engineer and Electrical engineer. Each of these discipline have a sales representation, a project manager, draftsperson and the list goes on and on.
I had just got hired by an international company. On my first month on the job, I was introduced to the project manager on my first project.
My supervisor did his best to describe him “in a good way” before I talked to him. Instead it came out more like a warning sign.
This person was described as arrogant, direct and very strong in character, and wouldn’t’ take no for an answer.
I though nothing of it, I’ve work with this kind of person in my 15 year structural career. I got this.
This project manager was in another province and it was all over the phone conversation or through emails.
He was all nice and respectful with me at first, but it didn’t’ take long that he would raise his voice at me, over the phone, when I would say stuff like: “I’ll look into it” or “I don’t know the answer to that but I’ll get back to you as soon as we hang up”. Whatever he was asking for, he wanted it NOW.
When he couldn’t’ get right away he would yell, scream, or demand it in a very obedience way, making me feel like I was useless, or didn’t know my place in the company. He would make me second guess my year of experience in my career and my knowledge.
I learned my way around him in the following months. Whenever he would get his tantrum or when I couldn’t give him a straight answer, I would immediately cut him off and respectfully would tell him “You want the wrong answer now, or the right answer in 15 minutes?” He would calm down and understood the situation then hang up.
That was one way of dealing with him.
BUT DEALING WITH HIM WAS EXHAUSTING.
Every time the phone rang and I’d see his name on the caller id, my body would tense up. Sometimes I just wouldn’t answer the phone. I would finish up whatever I’d be doing, take a few minutes to breath and my nerve down before calling him back and pretended I was away from my desk. Worked every time.
Something’s not right – bullied in the workplace
If you’ve read the previous blog,
03 Identifying Bullies in the workplace and how to deal with them
he was definitely a Screamer. He was very uncomfortable to work with. And I wasn’t the only one feeling this.
When moment like those happened, of course it didn’t feel “OK” or “normal”. When I would mentioned it to other co-workers about it, they felt the same way about this individual but no one had report it or do anything about it. And he had been with the company for many years before I arrived.
We would have weekly meetings with a group of people on this project. Internal and External people form the company. Being the Project manager, he would manage the meetings. He would do the same thing on these meetings regardless of who attended the meetings or how many people where present. If an individual would not be able to answer a question or asked a question already asked in a meeting before, he would start yelling and putting down the person in question. You could feel the tension over the phone, you could feel the victim squirming in his or her chair. No one would say anything. No one would defend themselves in front of the group. No one defended the victim.
We were all quietly of letting the project manager, bully our fellow co-worker.
As months and almost 2 years went on, I worked with other Project managers. Only a handful of Project managers where professional and respectful, and have a deadline with their request. But most of them were bullies.
It starting to sound like i’m generalizing ALL project managers, but i assure you I am not. There was something about the department of this particular company that I worked with that was somewhat corrupted. I knew it. My co-workers knew it. My supervisors knew it. But no one was doing anything about it.
Physical breakdown
One evening, during a weekday, I was finishing off my day with a shower ready to go to bed. as I toweled myself down, I broke down crying on the bathroom floor.
For what felt like half an hour was 2 minutes of uncontrollable crying and rocking myself on the bathroom floor.
When I came to, I know I couldn’t continue this abuse. I took the following day off.
I was tired, emotionally and physically exhausted to work with them on projects.
My supervisor was always located in a different office, but I had requested that he came to our office for a face to face meeting. He accepted.
Within 2 minutes in the office with my supervisor, I was crying like a baby again. I asked for something to change otherwise I had to quit.
He offered me an alternative to work with as a draftsperson in different department.
I happily accepted.
It wasn’t over
My new position wasn’t entirely new. I was a draftsperson prior to joining the company. I was just going back to what I already knew.
Everything was going well, until at the end of my tasks, I had to forward the project to a project manager. Yes, the same department I was having issues with.
Figures I could do this, its only for a short period until I pass down the project to them and I’m out of the picture.
It didn’t go as planed.
The next 2 project managers would blame me for every missing information on the drawings. If their team would make a mistake or miscommunicate with each other, it was somehow my mistake.
These project manager were the Criticizer type of bully. One of them was doing it Through emails and chat.
Every time I would make a complain to my supervisor or anyone higher up, I would get the same response.
“They are making money for the company, we can’t fire them for miss conduct.”
My jaw dropped. Putting salt into my already open wound. Pouring oil on the fire.
Mental breakdown
Being bullied in the workplace brought me to a complete meltdown.
Clearly I was already “mentaly broken down” for a while now.
I was crying for not reason, physically broke down on my bathroom floor. And when I thought I could move on from the abuse, it was still there in a different fashion.
My period was irregular and I was tired all the time from insomnia. When I did fall asleep, I would grind my teeth so hard, I broke 2 nightguards within a month.
I kept complaining to my supervisor and my boss that their behavior was unprofessional and
My family doctor stopped me from working for 12 weeks due to a mental breakdown.
see my revious blog on identifying bullies in the workplace.
https://fixandrentwithliz.com/bullies-in-the-workplace/
and
see my previous blog on first signs of mental breakdown
https://fixandrentwithliz.com/first-signs-of-mental-breakdown/
Being a Whistle blower
Taken time off was only putting a bandage on the wound. It had to be addressed.
Once I had the doctor note, stating my time off, I addressed the situation to my Human Resource representative of my office. I was in horror when he said ” I have to transfer you to someone else, I don’t know how to deal with this kind of stuff”. If HR’s not going to help, who is?
With very little energy left in me, I rolled up my sleeves and called the head of Human Resources.
I made a complaint on a few project managers. Had to give out there names, explain the situation and thankfully shared a few nasty emails from the “Criticizer”. The evidence.
Following my complaints, a co-worker with whom I got close with, called me up. She knew about one of my bullies, and she herself had issues with the same person, but more in the form of harassments.
She filed the complaint.
Later that same week, my supervisor called me. He asked I could forward the same emails I forward to HR. Other workers under he’s responsibilities was making similar complaints. He could see a similar pattern with other workers, but with different project managers.
Another fellow co-worker had ask to transfer of department due to being bullied by these same persons.
Human Resources called me a few times, wanting to know additional details.
The company started to wake up. The entire project management was being corrupted by their supervisor.
During my time away, the entire department was engaged into taken a Social Management course, the details were not given to me.
After 12 weeks, I never wanted to return to work. I didn’t know what was waiting for me. I never spoke with any of my bullies again. I was told my projects were arranged so I wouldn’t deal with them.
None of them got fired. Some of them are still doing what they are doing. Some have improved form what I heard.
Even if I wasn’t bullied in the workplace directly, I couldn’t endure others being bullied.
I stayed at the company for three more years before I made my second mental breakdown.
This time, I quit.
